“How do you wait for heaven and who has that much time? And how do you keep your feet on the ground when you were born to fly?” Sarah Evans sang it well describing how we feel as we are growing up.
Our mindset is “I will soar away like a black bird; I will blow in the wind like a sea; I will plant my heart in the garden of my dreams and I will grow up where I run wild and free.” We work our whole lives to reach our dreams. Granted our dreams change a little. As children we want to be famous athletes, famous ice skaters, astronauts, or princesses and we never even think of what is realistically coming towards us.
Nobody had told us that growing up would be hard. We look ahead and see only rainbows and butterflies and the miles of road that lay in front of us. But the truth is, there are unknowing bumps ahead on that road. We think we will easily be able to jump those bumps because we are “country strong, hard to break like the ground we grew up on,” as Gwyneth Paltrow sang.
When we’re in high school we can’t wait for college and to be independent. When we’re in college we can’t wait to stop juggling school, work, homework, and internships. We can’t wait to just get a job and work 40 hours a week and eventually come home to our loving soul mate at the end of the day and walk the dog.
For some, this comes easy. Some people don’t leave much behind and don’t encounter as many bumps as other people. That’s why, no matter how many bumps, I know I always have it better than somebody else. We encounter so many emotions: broken hearts, first kisses, illnesses, excitement of new things, deaths of loved ones, professional rejection and more.
When each of the above happened to me (some earlier in life than I expected) family and friends were always just a phone call and a hug away. I was truly blessed to have so many people who cared about me. I was fortunate to grow up in a small town where I had beautiful trees to climb, camp fires and country music on Friday nights, four wheeling, fishing, and a school where we all knew each other and could build forever friendships. I also had parents and a sister who I could talk to about everything and anything. Many find it hard to believe how close my relationship is with my family. They are always there for me to cry on their shoulder or laugh with me until our stomachs hurt – not to say we don’t have our fair share of problems, because every family does. But I know I can always count on them.
In the years between undergraduate school and a professional career, I was torn between two lives. I couldn’t possibly stay in the comfort of my small town, find a job that was geared toward what I wanted to do, and be successful at it. I knew I would have to move away but I so deeply wanted to be able to drive home on weekends to be in the comfort of my family and friends. On the other hand I wanted to get far away and experience different weather, new people, palm trees, and life outside of Northeast United States and the little bubble I lived in. I worked my whole life towards a good career. I had been in long relationships and told them it was over because I would be moving away since I had spent more time working and in school than I had with them (harsh I know).
I decided I would leave the decision up to faith. I prayed for a good future and applied to thousands of jobs all over the ENTIRE country. While applying to jobs, I was working as a Chevrolet Spokes model and traveled the country to do so. I visited so many beautiful cities that I could “see myself” moving to. One of my favorite cities, early in the tour, was San Diego, CA. It was beautiful. The weather was gorgeous, so much to do, endless career possibilities, and an ocean that stretched as far as I could see.
As applications were sent out, I realized more and more that I would probably find something closer to home due to the ease of hiring somebody driving distance rather than flying distance. Then the call came. I was offered a job as a Communications Specialist in Vista, CA (about 35 miles North of San Diego) and they wanted me to start in three weeks.
After hanging up the phone I was running around excited, texting and calling my friends and family and then bam. Life hit me like a pile of rocks. I have to pick up and move across the country, find an apartment, start a new job, and leave my ENTIRE life behind me. I was flooded with tears and excitement. I stopped and thought to myself I was “born to fly;” why is this so hard?
In the days leading up to the start of my new career, things were a bit hectic. One minute I was thrilled to be moving to such a beautiful place and the next minute I was sobbing and hugging my friends and family because the thought of leaving them bore a hole deep inside me. As always, they spoke words of encouragement and said I could always come home if I need to. So I did it. My sister hugged me goodbye, was thrilled at what I was doing and said she couldn’t wait to come visit. My father flew across the country with me as we waved goodbye to my mother choking back tears saying goodbye to her baby.
In two anxiety-filled days my dad and I found a beautiful little pool house for me to rent, settled me in, and met the people at my new job (my dad felt a huge wave of relief after both of these things were complete). Then, the day came for dad to leave me there alone. I immediately started crying and telling him to stay. He looked at me and smiled. My dad has always been the “tough man.” He smiled as he looked at his baby girl and said, “Fly birdie, fly.” He gave me a hug and a kiss and turned to leave. As I walked back to the car, I turned and glanced at my daddy, the big, tough man, wiping his eyes of tears that had formed.
Now, two months later, I am still wallowing in the grace and beauty of southern California. It really is gorgeous. I have made friends and enjoy the breathtaking landscapes. But I still can’t help to miss my home – my small town, my friends, and my family. It really is a whole different place out here. Although I love it and can’t imagine giving up what I have here, it still isn’t quite like home. I call them almost every day and count down the days until I can see them again. Who knows how things will work out, what I’ll be doing, or what bumps will be in my road ahead. But every time I get choked up, I remind myself of those few simple words: “fly birdie, fly.”